Things pastors say when they want to get laid with a congregant.

No joking here. The following sayings have been reported by actual victims of pastoral wickedness:

"After I told him about the sexual abuse by my father, he said we needed to re-enact it in order for me to get over it..."

"He was the first person to take me seriously as an intellectual person, who would teach me the Torah..."

"I didn't want to do what he asked me to do, but he said it would help my marriage problems. I trusted him."

This one really disgusts me: "He said,'Think of me as Jesus and you are Mary Magdalene.'"

"He said we should 'sin boldly so that grace may abound.'" Was that minister, by any chance, a Lutheran?

"No harm, no foul. But he said it was our special secret."

Extracts taken from Responding to Clergy Misconduct: A Handbook by Rev Dr Marie M Fortune, FaithTrust Institute, 2009.

You'd think someone who makes a living delivering a half-hour speech once a week would be able to develop better one-liners, eh? The Lutheran one cracks me up a little, but the rest are utter stupidity. And why, Mr. Cassanova, would someone find appeal and comfort in you re-enacting their father's sexual abuse? That would be like me suggesting to a victim of drunk-driving that they let me run them over while I'm hammered. It may stop the pain....because I just killed them. Or how would someone who lost their family because an arsonist lit the house on fire like it if I locked her friends in a room and torched the place? Convincing, no? I bet you droves of people would come to me for counsel. I should publish a book.